


Natsu Smiles

by mdelpin



Series: Summer of Gratsu 2019 [12]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Boys In Love, Characters Writing Fanfiction, Cutting, Cyber Bullying, Fandom, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Loneliness, Long-Distance Relationship, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicide Attempt, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, gratsubingo2019
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-26 14:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20391286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdelpin/pseuds/mdelpin
Summary: Gray was relieved when Natsu confesses that he's begun writing fanfiction as a way to help him not miss Gray so much while he's away at college.But as months go by and Natsu's smile begins to dim, Gray fears he might not be able to save Natsu from himself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Gratsu Bingo 2019, Gratsu Week 2k19  
Prompt: Play

Chapter 1 

“Hey Babe,” Gray spoke into his phone, excited to finally get to talk to Natsu for the first time since he’d left for college. It had been a long week, full of orientations and the beginning of his training schedule. 

“Gray!” 

Gray could almost touch the excitement in Natsu’s voice, and he immediately became homesick. He could picture the way Natsu’s eyes lit up when he smiled, and it made him ache to touch him. They’d never been apart this long since they’d started dating a few years earlier. 

“The one and only, I finally got a break to myself, and I couldn’t wait to hear your voice,” Gray gushed sounding like a lovelorn idiot and not caring one bit, “What have you been up to while I was gone?” 

There was a pause and then a nervous chuckle, “Promise you won’t laugh?” 

“No can do, but now I’m really curious, you been thinking about me?” Gray asked. 

“Yeah, I miss you,” Natsu’s voice was sad, but he continued, “Do you remember Lucy?” 

“Yeah sure, the blonde.” 

“Mhm, well she suggested I try writing as a way to get my mind off you for a bit, so I did.” 

“Writing, huh? That’s cool, what did you write about?” 

“Remember that anime I was really into? I wrote a fanfiction about it, and I posted it online.” 

“Fanfiction? I leave for a week, and you turn into a girl,” Gray teased, but he was secretly glad. He’d been worried that without him there to force Natsu to go out and socialize sometimes he’d just sit home and mope about him being gone. Writing sounded like a good thing. 

“Shut up, guys can write fanfiction. A few people liked it, and they commented on it, it was kinda cool. They liked something I wrote, can you believe it?” 

“Of course I can, you’ve always had an awesome imagination. Can I read it?” 

“Sure, I posted it on fanfiction.net, my username is firedragon777. Anyway, tell me everything!” 

So Gray did, he told him about Lyon, his roommate, who was also there on a hockey scholarship. He told him about the grueling practice schedule, and the terrible food, and what his room looked like but mostly he told him how much he missed him, and how he couldn’t wait to see him the first break he got. They hung up ten minutes later, feeling happy, but also frustrated at not being able to see each other. 

Gray logged on to fanfiction.net and looked for Natsu’s story. He thought it was good, but what he loved the most was being able to hear Natsu’s voice in the words. He grinned and left a ridiculously sappy comment that would probably embarrass the hell out of Natsu when he read it and went to bed with thoughts of his lover floating through his tired brain. 

* * *

School started almost before he was ready, and it was much harder than he’d expected. The added pressure of having to keep his GPA up while having to adhere to his team’s practice schedule kept him in constant stress. He wished Natsu were there with him, he always slept better with him in the bed. 

They emailed back and forth, but their schedules didn’t mesh up for long phone conversations very often. Today had been a particularly grueling day for Gray, and he needed to hear Natsu’s voice, so he forced himself to take a break between practice and dinner and call him. 

“Hey Babe, Is this a bad time?” Gray greeted as soon as the call was picked up. 

“Hi, No, I was just looking up some stuff online,” Natsu said, sounding a bit distracted. 

“Resorting to porn already?” Gray teased, knowing porn made Natsu uncomfortable. 

“Gods no, that stuff is gross. I’ve been talking to a few other writers, and we’ve been thinking of starting a writing group on Tumblr, maybe Discord.” 

“I have no idea what any of those are.” 

“Me either, that’s why I’m looking into them. Discord sounds interesting. It’s like a chat thing for gamers, but it has video calling. Maybe you can get it too, and we can at least see each other from time to time.” 

“That actually sounds like a great idea, I’d love to see you right about now. I’ll check it out once I get back to my room.” 

“Rough day?” 

“Yeah, any day without you is rough.” 

“That was pretty smooth.” 

Gray chuckled, “I have my moments. So the writing thing is still good?” 

“Yeah, I’ve published a few other things.” 

“Oh, man, I didn’t know. I’ll check them out later.” 

“You can subscribe to me, then you’ll get emails whenever I post anything.” 

“Okay. Damn, I have to go eat dinner before the dining hall closes for the night. I love you.” 

“I love you too, bye!” 

Gray hurried to eat, looking up Discord on his phone while he sat at the table. He decided to install it on his laptop when he got back to his room. He really wanted to see Natsu. 

* * *

“Can you see me?” Natsu asked once he saw Gray’s image come up on the screen. He waved excitedly. 

“Wow you weren’t kidding, he really does have pink hair.” 

“Natsu, this is Lyon, my idiot roommate. Lyon, this is my boyfriend, Natsu. Now go away so I can enjoy seeing him for the first time in a month.” 

With a wave Lyon left the room, closing the door behind him. 

“Wow, his hair is really white,” Natsu couldn’t help but say. 

“You know that’s ridiculous coming from you, right?” Gray rolled his eyes and just stared at his screen. “You’re looking good babe, wearing a bit more clothes than I was hoping for. I always picture you naked when we talk.” 

Natsu laughed, “I bet you do, Zeref always leaves the fucking thermostat too cold, and he bitches if I move it.” 

“He still working nights? 

Natsu nodded, and Gray just wanted to reach out and touch him, what he wouldn’t give to be able to somehow go through the screen and just magically appear at Natsu’s house. 

“You look tired, Princess,” Natsu noted, observing the dark rings around the other’s eyes. 

“Yeah, they’ve been running us ragged. We have our first game soon. What about you? How’s school going?” 

“It’s fine, nothing too hard yet. I’ve been working on the writing group. We have a blog, and I’m playing around, trying to learn how to create a website. We’ve been talking about organizing events too.” 

“No offense babe, but that sounds like a lot of work. I thought you were in this for fun.” 

“It is, and I am, but you know me, I like learning new things. It’s a little stressful though, there are a few people in there already, and they don’t all get along.” 

“Natsu, don’t go in all crazy like you always do? If it gets to be too much just let go, okay?” 

“It’ll be fine, you worry too much. Anyway, show me your room,” Natsu changed the subject, and Gray let him. He walked him around the room, showing him where he lived. 

“I can’t wait for you to come here next year, we can get a little apartment off-campus, it’ll be awesome! I’ve already started asking which are the best buildings.” 

“That does sound nice, I miss you sneaking in here to sleep while Zeref is at work.” 

“We didn’t always sleep,” Gray reminded him with a wolfish grin. 

“No, we didn’t,” Natsu smiled and held his hand up to the screen, and even though it was girly and he felt dumb, Gray did it back. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gratsu Bingo 2019  
Prompt: Glass(es)

Chapter 2 

Gray slammed the door behind him, throwing his gear on the floor and pacing across the room. 

Lyon opened the door more carefully and put his gear down. “Dude, chill. There was nothing you could have done,” he ran his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture. “You heard the Coach, Bix is gonna be fine. Besides, you don’t even know if it’s true, doing something would only have put you at risk.” 

Gray turned towards his roommate, glaring at him in a way that made Lyon take a step back and raise his hands up in a placating gesture. “For fuck’s sake, I’m just trying to help here.” 

“You don’t get it.” 

“You’re right, I don’t, so explain it to me.” 

“That could have been me.” 

Ever since school had started, Gray hadn’t really had a lot of time to make any friends. There was weight training in the morning, courses during the day, and team practice at night, followed by hours of homework. His teammates were pretty much his entire social life outside of talking to Natsu on Discord a couple of times a week. 

There were four other freshmen on the hockey team: Lyon, Hibiki, Loke, and Bickslow, and they all got along reasonably well. They ate their meals together, and if they had any free time, they usually spent it playing online games while chatting on their Discord server. 

“You wouldn’t have done something that stupid, “ Lyon protested, still trying to calm his friend down. 

“Don’t you get it? Neither did Bix, Invel was just being an asshole cause Bix didn’t stop that goal in the second period.” 

Lyon seemed to think that over as Gray continued, “Bix has a scholarship too, he can’t afford this shit.” 

“I still don’t understand why you’re reacting this way,” Lyon’s brows were furrowed as he tried to follow what Gray was getting at. 

“Just forget about it,” Gray threw himself on his bed covering his face with his hand. He felt like shit, and he was worried. They had taken Bickslow away in an ambulance, and despite their coach’s assurances, in his heart, Gray knew this wasn’t over. 

No, it was just getting started. 

He heard a beeping noise coming from his desk and got up to check it out. He had the beginnings of a smile as he saw it was a call from Natsu, although it quickly turned into a frown when he saw there were notifications for 5 missed calls. 

He plopped on his chair and answered, happy to hear from his boyfriend right when he was so upset and needed to talk to someone who would understand. He knew Lyon was trying his best, but he saw the world differently. 

Natsu’s face came into focus, and Gray studied it for a moment. It looked like something was bothering him, his expression fragile, like a sheet of glass that could shatter at any moment. But Gray’s face must have shown something of what _he_ was feeling because in the blink of an eye Natsu’s face molded into a smile, making Gray wonder if what he’d seen had been nothing more than a trick of the light. 

Natsu’s smile was dimmer than what Gray was used to, but for once, he decided not to question it as Natsu immediately began asking him what was wrong. 

“Am I glad to see you!” Gray sighed dramatically, “You have no idea the day I’ve had.” 

“Are you okay?” Natsu leaned forward in his chair, “You look really upset.” 

“Today was our first game, and it didn’t go so well,” Gray began to explain, “We lost 3-2.” 

“That sucks, but it’s not like you to be that upset about a loss. Did you make a mistake or something?” 

Gray snorted, “My freshman ass never even made it onto the ice, we might have won if I had.” 

Natsu rolled his eyes, “Nice to see your confidence hasn’t suffered.” 

“Anyway, the coach was pissed, and he made us run drills for an hour after the game,” Gray started to tense up again, “We were all in the locker room when all of a sudden this junior accused my friend Bix of checking him out when he was changing, and when Bix denied it all hell broke loose. They took Bix off to the hospital in an ambulance.” 

“Oh, crap,” Natsu commiserated, peering closer “Are you okay?” 

“No, I’m not. I didn’t do anything, Natsu. I just stood there frozen,” Gray slammed his fist on his desk making Natsu jump, ” I should have said something at least, but when I saw the way some of the guys reacted I just panicked.” 

“_Is_ he gay?” 

“I have no idea, but that’s not the point.” 

“I know,” Natsu closed his eyes briefly, opening them a few minutes later to stare at Gray intently, “I take it they don’t know you’re gay?” 

“Only Lyon knows, I haven’t told anyone else. They _do_ know I have someone back home, “Gray hurried to add, not wanting Natsu to think that he had denied him or something. 

Natsu blushed slightly, “You didn’t have to tell them anything, I would have understood.” 

“Yeah, I did,” Gray said with determination, “You’re important to me, and I don’t want anything to come in the way of our relationship.” 

“Were you worried about your scholarship? Is that why you didn’t say anything?” 

“I don’t know, I just saw the way the guys were reacting to Bix when they just _thought_ he might be gay and it brought back a bunch of memories.” 

“I don’t get it, Babe, it wasn’t exactly a secret at school, no one ever messed with you,” Natsu puzzled. 

“That wasn’t the first school I went to, I came in as a transfer student sophomore year,” Gray reminded him, “Plus we were openly in a relationship for the last two years, so no one felt threatened.” 

“You were a year ahead of me, I guess I assumed you’d always been there.” 

“I don’t like to remember it,” Gray sighed, “Something like that happened to me, except I _was_ doing what they said. I was fourteen, I didn’t think he’d notice. They made my life a living hell after that until I transferred out.” 

“And now you feel bad cause you didn’t stand up for your friend?” 

“Yeah, I should have done something, but now I’m also worried because I can’t afford to lose my scholarship.” 

“I don’t get it. Why would you lose it?” 

“Because people like that don’t ever let up. They tease, and they taunt and pretend it’s all in good fun while they tear you apart in front of everyone, until you finally snap and fight back. If I got kicked off the team, I’d lose my scholarship.” 

“If you feel that badly, why don’t you just go to the hospital and check on your friend? If he _is_ gay, he might appreciate having a friend who understands what he’s going through, and if you guys have other supportive friends, maybe you can band together. People don’t have to be gay to be a friend, there are plenty of allies out there. At least that’s what Lucy tells me.” 

Gray thought it odd for Natsu to say that, but he wasn’t thinking about his boyfriend at the moment, only his earlier words. 

“I’m sorry, Gray,” Gray’s thoughts were interrupted by Lyon, “I’m sorry I didn’t get what this could mean for Bix. Natsu’s right, and you can count on me to side with you guys.” 

Natsu smiled at Lyon, who waved at him, a little embarrassed to admit he’d been listening in on their conversation. 

“It’s fine,” Gray shrugged it off. 

“No, I shouldn’t have just looked at it from my perspective, I’ll go to the hospital with you if you want. It’s still early.” 

“Yeah, okay,” he replied, “Just give me a few minutes.” 

Lyon took the hint and told him he’d wait outside. 

“Thank you for listening,” Gray placed his hand on his screen, something he no longer minded and smiled when Natsu did the same. 

“No problem, I know you do better when you have a plan of action,” Natsu smiled, and even though this one rang a bit truer, it was still a far cry from his usual smile. 

“Did you want to talk to me about something?” Gray asked, “I saw there were a bunch of missed calls.” 

“Nah, it’s not important, I just wanted to see you,” Natsu looked down at something on his desk, “You should go to the hospital while the buses are still running.” 

“God, what did I ever do to deserve you?” Gray wondered, wishing he could hug him. “I love you so much, I’ll call you when I get back, okay?” 

Natsu nodded, “I love you too. Good luck!” 

They said their goodbyes and hung up, but Gray couldn’t help but feel like he’d missed something important. He went outside to meet Lyon, and they headed out to the bus stop. 

O-o 

Lyon and Gray approached the information desk, and after being told what room Bickslow was in, they barged in. It’s what they were used to, and they never considered acting any differently. 

Which is why they walked in on Bickslow kissing a man with very long green hair, which was tied back in a low ponytail. 

“Sorry!” Lyon spluttered before looking away uncomfortably. 

“If you’re here to start something I’ll have you know I’m an A-rated Fencer,” the green-haired man threatened as he turned to look at them. He glared, his arm reaching for something to his side, his expression switching to surprise when he came up empty. 

Bickslow started to laugh, although it seemed to pain him to do so, “Seriously Freed, that wouldn’t intimidate a schoolgirl. No one knows what the hell fencing ratings mean. Relax, these guys are my buddies.” 

Bickslow’s expression remained outwardly friendly, but his eyes watched them warily, especially as they got closer to Freed. 

Gray immediately recognized the look, he was sure he’d worn it many times himself. It screamed you can fuck with me all you want, but if you try to hurt him, you will discover what real pain is. 

“Hey, man, how bad is it?” Gray greeted, not sure what to make of Bickslow’s welcome. 

“I’ll live, I just wish I’d gotten that asshole harder,” Bickslow cracked his knuckles earning him a disapproving stare from his boyfriend. 

“Oh right, this is my boyfriend Freed Justine, he goes to MU too.” 

Freed gave them a shy wave. 

“These are my teammates Gray Fullbuster and Lyon Vastia, they’re two of the guys I’ve been telling you about.” 

“Hey,” Gray smiled at Freed as he shook his hand, “I wish I could say Bix had told us about you, but he’s a jerk.” 

Freed gave him a tentative smile, still not sure what to make of him given the night’s events. 

Lyon waved and managed a “Nice to meet you” from the corner where he was trying to collect himself from his earlier embarrassment. 

“For God’s sake Lyon, it was just a kiss,” Gray remarked, “Stop acting like you walked in on your parents fucking. What are you gonna do when Natsu comes to visit? We kiss a lot. Like, I can’t keep my hands off him,” Gray teased his roommate, enjoying riling him up. 

“Fuck you, Gray.” 

Gray laughed, ruffling Lyon’s hair good-naturedly. 

“Him?” Bickslow raised an eyebrow, a playful smile on his lips. 

Gray nodded, getting his phone out and looking for a picture of him and Natsu. Finding one he liked, he handed his phone over to Bix. 

“I’m sorry, Bix, I should have done something,” Gray hung his head in shame, “Especially when I know exactly how you feel.” 

“Nah, man, it’s cool. I get it,” Bickslow shrugged it off, “You didn’t have to come down here and confess your sins. Although your boy is quite cute,” he said, showing the picture to Freed who nodded in agreement. “Been together long?” 

“A little over two years, he’s got a year of high school left, we’re hoping he can come here next year.” 

Bickslow handed Gray his phone back and looked over at Lyon. “So Gray is fine with this, how about you?” 

“I’m on your side, man. Just tell me what you need.” 

Bickslow smiled widely, “Thanks, guys. I feel a little better, knowing I won’t have to deal with this alone.” 

“What happened anyway? I know you weren’t doing what he said,” Gray asked curiously. 

“Invel saw us at the mall last weekend, I should have known he was up to something when he didn’t say anything right away. Homophobic dick.” 

“We’ve got your back, Bix. From now on, he’ll have to deal with the three of us,” Lyon assured him, “Loke and Hibiki are cool too, I bet they’ll be on your side.” 

“Maybe,” Bickslow agreed, but he didn’t look convinced, and Gray understood just how he felt. Once the whole gay thing came out, it could be difficult to tell who your real friends were and who just didn’t want to appear homophobic. 

All three of their phones went off, and they looked down to read a text from their coach, calling a mandatory meeting for the whole team the following morning to discuss what had happened. He sounded pissed. 

Bix groaned, “I won’t be able to make it, they’re not letting me out until sometime tomorrow afternoon.” 

“You might want to text him, he sounds like he’s on a rampage,” Gray suggested, “We’ll let you know what happens.” 

They said their goodbyes, and as they opened the door, Bickslow called out, “Hey Gray, thanks for trusting me. I won’t tell anyone.” 

Gray nodded and waved, walking out with Lyon and catching the last bus back to campus. Now that he felt a little better, he started to think about Natsu, wondering what it was he’d wanted to talk to him about. 

He tried calling him from the bus, but the call went straight to voice mail. He left a message and hung up. He had a nagging feeling that he should have pushed harder earlier. 

When they got back to his room he checked Natsu’s Discord status, and as it showed him online he tried video calling him but once again received no answer, so he figured Natsu must have fallen asleep and forgotten to log out. 

He got a PM from Bickslow asking if he and Natsu would like to go on a double date with him and Freed sometime since Freed had a car. Gray told him he'd have to ask Natsu when he talked to him, but he was excited about the possibility of being able to see his boyfriend soon. He thought it might be just what they both needed. 

Unsure of what else he could do, he decided to check if Natsu had published anything new. And that’s when he saw it. Some jerk had left a comment as a guest reviewer, not insulting the story but Natsu himself. It was full of malice, calling him all sorts of nasty slurs for pairing the characters in his stories and telling him he should do everyone a favor and go kill himself. 

He looked through Natsu’s other stories and saw that the same Guest had left variations of the same message on all of them. He quickly realized that must have been why Natsu was calling him. 

Gray was consumed with rage, but he didn’t know what to do with it besides lash out at the person, and although he was tempted, he couldn’t be sure the person would ever read it. All it would accomplish would be to upset Natsu further. 

_Damn it!_ He really should have pushed harder, instead of letting Natsu take care of _him_. Gray did the only thing he could that he knew would reach Natsu this night. He read all of Natsu’s stories he’d missed and made sure to leave long gushing comments to every single one, trying to fight the hatred with his love. 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I'm gonna be honest with you, I had no plans to write any more new stories for the Bingo but something happened last night and I just had to get some stuff out. So this was born, late last night while not being able to sleep and stressed out beyond measure as to whether a friend would wake up again or not.
> 
> This story has nothing to do with anything ftlgbtales related (or any of my other blogs), for those who might be curious. This is more drawing on my limited experience in fandom and how it can tear you apart if you let it. 
> 
> It will be in Gray's POV, mostly because I'm trying to understand how my husband might have felt when I first joined the Fairy Tail fandom. Think of it as my penance for doing that to him. The man is a saint.
> 
> I have not decided on the ending yet and I have no idea how many chapters it will be. I had originally meant to do a one-shot but this is where I left it last night and when I was rereading this morning I could not bear to spoil it with anything bad. Can't vouch the other chapters will be as fluffy.


End file.
